


Ghost

by ewmyname



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Post Tamlen death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 06:11:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewmyname/pseuds/ewmyname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I let him down. I became happy, I tried to forget. He probably searched for me, and I... I was off ‘saving the world’. I let him down.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghost

Elohris didn’t remember much after Tamlen died. This time for real. All she knew was that she didn’t move. Not for hours, not to any of the cajoling from her companions.

No one had noticed her at first. They went about talking, Sten commenting how they needed to fortify the area and Zevran complaining about their assassination attempt. Still she stood there, unmoving and face wet with silent tears. 

Then they began to notice her, moving closer to her with the care that she might break. No one had seen Elohris cry before, why should they have? She’d held back the tears when Tamlen disappeared and when she left him behind.

It was the first time she broke down. Elohris hated herself for this, for abandoning Tamlen and not trying harder to find him. For letting him touch that _stupid_ mirror. For falling for another, for trying to forget him. And now… And now he was dead. Fallen, killed, _dead_. No matter how she said it, it still hurt and killed her inside.

“Elohris.” Alistair’s voice was soft, quiet and gentle. A warm hand on her shoulder, and she shirked it off. She threw him away, she threw away the hand that she felt guilty touching. 

So she did the only thing she knew to do. She walked away. Elohris walked away from the body on the ground, and from the people clamouring around to comfort her. _They didn’t know the half of it_ , she thought bitterly, anger punching her in the gut. 

Elohris didn’t make it very far, before the grief overtook her and wracked her to the bone. Before she was sobbing, gripping onto a tree as her knees gave way. Sobs shook through her tiny body, her chest heaving up and down in panic. 

A distant crunch in the distance alerted Elohris quickly, but upon feeling the familiar thrum of the taint she quieted down. No, she didn’t want Alistair to see her like this. To see her on her knees and tears streaming down her face. 

“Elohris, is that you?” Alistair’s voice is still quiet, too quiet for her liking. The care in his tone makes her chest squeeze with hurt and guilt, so steadily she stands up.

“Yes.” Elohris croaks out, everything hurting in her body. From her heart to her head, everything screamed in pain.

“Oh Maker, look at you.” Alistair stumbled over a tree branch, before finally coming to Elohris and clasped her face in his hands. His big, warm and rough hands. The ones that made her feel safe and loved, but now she just felt guilty. Elohris averted her eyes, her brow furrowing together. “I was so worried about you.”

“Don’t be.” She whispered, before reaching up to take his hands off her face. But no matter how much she tugged, he wouldn’t let go. “Alistair, I want to be alone. _Please_.” 

Elohris begged, feeling tears gather in the corner of her eyes again. Hot and heavy, she didn’t want to start crying again. Especially not in front of Alistair.

“No, I won’t let you be by yourself. Elohris, you’re not alone anymore. _I’m_ here for you.” Alistair stared down at her, his eyes serious and dark in the pale moonlight.  
Elohris took in a deep breath, the breath stuttering as she did so. She needed to open up to Alistair, she knew that. So she would take the plunge.

“I loved him so much Alistair. I wanted to bond with him, to grow old with him. And... And it was my fault he ended up like that. _I killed him first_.” Elohris’s voice was barely above a whisper, and she tightly clung to Alistair’s shirt. He had hastily thrown off his armour as she could tell. “I let him down. I became happy, I tried to forget. He probably searched for me, and I... I was off ‘saving the world’. I let him down.” 

“Elohris...” Alistair began, but she shook her head vigorously to cut him off.

“I should have looked longer! I could have saved him, made him a Grey Warden too. I wish I hadn’t found that cave.” Her voice broke on the end, her hands shaking as she grasped Alistair tightly.

“If you had never found that cave, you would never have met any of us. I might never have fallen in love with you. And I’m so lucky you gave me that Elohris, and I know Tamlen wouldn’t want you to feel guilty over his death. It was inevitable.” Alistair moved his hands to pull her into a tight hug, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. “Maker Elohris, please don’t go further away from us than you already are.”

“I... I can’t Alistair. A piece of me just died.” Her voice was still quiet, and now she was crying.

“Tell me about him Elohris, talk to me. Grieve.” Alistair’s voice was not demanding at all, but Elohris knew she needed to talk about Tamlen. Or otherwise, she’d never move on.

“He was lovely. Sweet, kind, and impulsive. Merrill, Tamlen and I got into a lot of trouble as children. I loved him since we were young.” Carefully she took in a shaky breath. “Once when we were about fourteen, it was too hot to sleep in our normal way, so we all ended up sleeping in our small clothes. I remember looking at Tamlen and feeling such an intense fondness for him, I knew I had fallen in love.” 

“We- _He_ caught a bear for the end of his apprenticeship. I watched in horror, and he goaded me on joyfully. I was the reckless one they said, but if the clan saw him that day they would have changed his mind. The bear... Chased me up a tree and... And...” Elohris trailed off, letting out a quiet sob.

“Ssh, let it out.”

“And he saved me, the fool saved me. He riled that bear up, and then rode in gallantly to pluck me from a tree. I just... Creators Alistair, why could we save him?”

“Because he was too far gone. Even if we tried to make him a warden, he may have died anyways. I’m so sorry.”

“Alistair... I love you, I love you... Can you just leave me alone for a little? I need to breathe.” Alistair gave a mute nod in return, and pulled back, but not before giving an affectionate kiss to her forehead.

“Take all the time you need, love.” Alistair murmured, before he turned around to head back to camp.

“I will.”

She would.


End file.
